Tag Archives: Watermelon

Friday Funny

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Fruit tags…

A teacher in a one-room schoolhouse arrives one morning to find a nice red apple on her desk with a tag tied to it saying “T.O.T.” Knowing that she had some not-so-nice pranksters in her class, she cautiously asked “Can someone explain what ‘T.O.T.’ means?”

Becky in the front row raised her hand to explain it means “To Our Teacher.”

The next morning the teacher finds an even bigger on her desk. This time there is a tag with “T.O.T.W.L.” written on it. She asks for an explanation for this note and Billy waves his hand to explain that means “To Our Teacher With Love”.

The next morning she arrives to find a great big watermelon sitting on her desk with a tag saying “F.U.C.K.” Her jaw drops and she screams “Who can explain this?!!”

Tyrell in the back row raises his hand and says, “Oh, that means ‘From Us Colored Kids’!!!”

Douche bag!

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This is the last post from what happened last week.  I’ll be heading out of town this weekend, so I won’t have any new stories for Friday or Saturday night.  These all happened on Saturday night:

  • I picked up this old lady from HEB on Slaughter and Manchaca.  This lady was wheezing the whole time.  I helped her load her bags into the car, then I carried the bags to the door, etc.  She even had this big ass watermelon that must’ve weighed 1/5th of her body weight.  Anyway, in the end she forgot her purse in the car, and I had to come back from north Austin to south Austin to give the purse back to her son.
  • There was this nearly blind lady that I picked up from the IRS.  I picked her up after I picked up the old lady that I just talked about.  She was actually the one that found the purse in the back seat.  When she found it she said “You have to be honest to work at this place.” I had to bite my tongue in order to not respond with comments on the Infernal Revenue Service, besides, mah hunnay works part time at the IRS.
  • Talked about old school drinking games with this one couple that had been out at the lake all day.  Ah, the college daze of playing drinking games to the smurfs and to other TV shows.
  • Took this one guy home that was on the phone the whole time.  He appeared to be having a pretty intense conversation, and then I heard him say “well, if you’re going to kill the dragon, you have to use your sword with the plus 20 against dragons.”
  • But, the one that takes the cake, by far, happened right during the prime time.  These 5 kids want to get in, I tell them I can only take 4 people.  They say they’ll make it worth my while, I politely explain that the decision is not mine, but that it’s a city ordinance. After some hemming and hawing, they say that they’ll take another cab, I say fine, take another cab.  As 2 of them are getting out, one of them calls me a “douche bag.”  Well, I asked the remaining passengers if that guy called me a douche bag, they say “yeah, no wait, he meant me…”  Too late, I kick them all out.  I roll another 10 feet and load some other people.  A full 30 minutes later, I drove by where I left them, and they were still there trying to catch a cab.  I should’ve rolled down the window and yelled out “who’s the douche bag now?” but I didn’t.  I just got pleasure from the fact they were still there.