To: All Spanish Employees

Several visitors to our office have brought to our attention that our Spanish-speaking employees commonly use offensive language. Such behavior, in addition to violating firm practices, is highly unprofessional, offensive both to visitors and employees, and will not be tolerated.
Therefore, we have decided to implement a series of rules in our office and would expect them to be applied. It is expected that All employees immediately adhere to these rules:

1- Words like coño, carajo and other such expressions will not be used for emphasis, no matter how heated the discussion may get.

2- Non important matters should not be addressed to as pendejadas.

3- You will not say la cagó when someone makes a mistake, or se cagó en su madre if you see someone being reprimanded All forms and derivatives of the word cagar are inappropriate in our environment.

4- Lack of determination will not be referred to as falta de cojones or mariconerías, nor will a person with lack of initiative be referred to as pendejo, mamao or comemierda.

5- No Manager or Supervisor, under any circumstances, will be referred to as hijo de puta, ese cabrón, or ese maricón.

6- When a good proposal is presented, the term está de pinga must not be used.

7- Unusual or creative brainstorming meetings will not be referred to as pajas mentales.

8- Do not say cómo jode if a person is persistent or se jodió if somebody is going through a difficult situation. Furthermore, you must not say qué jodienda, or esto está del coño when matters become complicated in your line of work.

9- When asking someone to leave you alone, you should not say vete pa’l carajo, nor will you substitute: ¿qué carajo quieres? for “may I help you?”

10- When leaving the office, using the term me voy pa’l carajo is not proper.

11- When any office equipment fails, it must be reported as “it broke down”,not se descojonó, or se jodió la mierda esta.

Last but not least, after reading this memorandum, please do not say me voy a limpiar el culo con esto. Just keep it clean and file properly.

Thank you for your cooperation.

“Hey, do you wanna nut?”

I said “huh?”

She goes “I brought some trail mix and it has lots of different kinds of nuts, do you want one?”

That girl is funny, and she doesn’t even know it.

Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men….that night all three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stilettos and mask over their eyes .

After a few days they meet again…..

The engaged girlfriend said: “The other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me in the leather bodice, 4″ stilettos and mask. He said, “You are the woman of my life, I love you…then we made love all night long.”

The mistress stated: “Oh Yes! The other night we met in his office. I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn’t say a word. We just had wild sex all night.”

The married one then said: “The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mother’s for the night, I got myself ready, leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes.

My husband came in from work, grabbed the TV controller and a beer, and said, “Hey Batman, what’s for dinner?”