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	<title>Random thoughts at random times &#187; Fear</title>
	<atom:link href="http://www.opsmonkey.com/tag/fear/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" />
	<link>http://www.opsmonkey.com</link>
	<description>My technically difficult and weird blog</description>
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		<title>My list, stolen from Trojan</title>
		<link>http://www.opsmonkey.com/1045/my-list-stolen-from-trojan/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=my-list-stolen-from-trojan</link>
		<comments>http://www.opsmonkey.com/1045/my-list-stolen-from-trojan/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 14 Apr 2008 17:46:05 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Rafael</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[General Musings]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[6 Years]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Clothes]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Desk]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Dream Goal]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[drink beer]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favorite Color]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favorite Store]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourite Thing]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Fear]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Happiness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Hidef]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Last Time]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[lists]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Lunch]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Mobile phone]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Muffins]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Pets]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Shoes]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[silly meme]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Trojan]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Wish List]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.opsmonkey.com/?p=1045</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I stole this one from Trojan. All the answers must only be ONE word 1.Where is your mobile phone? Desk 2.Your significant other? Michelle 3.Your hair? Curly 4.Your mother? Beachin&#8217; 5.Your father? Beachin&#8217; 6.Your favourite thing? Laughing 7.Your dream last night? fulfilling 8.Your favorite drink? Beer 9.Your dream/goal? happiness 10.The room you’re in? Office 11.Your [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I stole this one from <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Trojan</span>. All the answers must only be ONE word</p>
<p>1.Where is your mobile phone? Desk</p>
<p>2.Your significant other? Michelle<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1"></span></p>
<p>3.Your hair? Curly</p>
<p>4.Your mother? Beachin&#8217;</p>
<p>5.Your father? Beachin&#8217;</p>
<p>6.Your favourite thing? Laughing</p>
<p>7.Your dream last night? fulfilling</p>
<p>8.Your favorite drink? Beer</p>
<p>9.Your dream/goal? happiness</p>
<p>10.The room you’re in? Office</p>
<p>11.Your ex? whateva</p>
<p>12.Your fear? Myself</p>
<p>13.Where do you want to be in 6 years? Chillin</p>
<p>14.Where were you last night? home</p>
<p>15.What you’re not? skinny</p>
<p>16.Muffins? blech</p>
<p>17.One of your wish list items? moolah</p>
<p>18.Where you grew up? worldwide</p>
<p>19.The last thing you did? lunch</p>
<p>20.What are you wearing? clothes</p>
<p>21.Your TV? HiDef</p>
<p>2.Your pets? none</p>
<p>23.Your computer? multiplatform</p>
<p>24.Your life? exciting</p>
<p>25.Your mood? stressed</p>
<p>26.Missing someone? always</p>
<p>27.Your car? Hilda</p>
<p>28.Something you’re not wearing? Shoes</p>
<p>29.Favorite Store? <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">AppleStore</span></p>
<p>30.Your summer? Yeehaw</p>
<p>31.Like someone? YEP!</p>
<p>32.Your favorite color? Green</p>
<p>33.When is the last time you laughed? today</p>
<p>34.Last time you cried? dunno</p>
<p>35.Who will/would re-post this? someone</p>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Speaking of dreams</title>
		<link>http://www.opsmonkey.com/1032/1032/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=1032</link>
		<comments>http://www.opsmonkey.com/1032/1032/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 28 Mar 2008 19:37:14 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Rafael</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[General Musings]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Better Life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Bullies]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Church Group]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Comfort Zone]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Courage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Doubts]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Dream Giver]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Fear]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Invisible Wall]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Job]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[People]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Reading A Book]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Recliner]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sleep]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Speaking Of Dreams]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.opsmonkey.com/?p=1032</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Last night, during my church group meeting, we started reading a book titled &#8220;The Dream Giver.&#8221; It&#8217;s the story about a guy named &#8220;Ordinary&#8221; who lived in a city named &#8220;Familiar&#8221; to whom nothing happened everyday. Ordinary went to his &#8220;regular job&#8221; day in and day out. He would come home, have pretty much the [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Last night, during my church group meeting, we started reading a book titled &#8220;The Dream Giver.&#8221; It&#8217;s the story about a guy named &#8220;Ordinary&#8221; who lived in a city named &#8220;Familiar&#8221; to whom nothing happened everyday. Ordinary went to his &#8220;regular job&#8221; day in and day out. He would come home, have pretty much the same thing for dinner everyday and then he would sit in his recliner and watch nothing on the box until it was time to go to sleep. Ordinary thought he was content, but he really wasn&#8217;t. He felt uneasy and sad, nothing ever changed.</p>
<p>One day, Ordinary awoke to discover that he had a dream within him. He dreamt that he was meant to be more than what he was. He dreamt that he deserved more out of life. He dreamt that he could have a better life, he dreamt that he could be Somebody. Ordinary had doubts about himself and his abilities. He had doubts that he would be able to accomplish his dreams. People that loved him, tried to talk him out of trying to become somebody. He had doubts that he was <em>worthy</em> of <em>his</em> dream.</p>
<p>In order to pursue his dream, Ordinary had to leave Familiar behind. He had to get out of his comfort zone. Ordinary had to get through the invisible wall of fear, overcome his bullies, cross over the wide river of the unknown and find the courage within him to become Somebody.</p>
<p>That&#8217;s a summary of the first 3 chapters in the book. I can&#8217;t wait to find out what happens next.</p>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Motivation</title>
		<link>http://www.opsmonkey.com/877/motivation/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=motivation</link>
		<comments>http://www.opsmonkey.com/877/motivation/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 28 Nov 2007 16:54:54 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Rafael</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[General Musings]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Assumption]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Chihuahua]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Chutzpah]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Consequences]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Diet]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[End Result]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Exercise Plan]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Fear]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Guiding Principles]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Innate Desire]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Little Dog]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Masochist]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Nbsp]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.opsmonkey.com/?p=877</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Everytime I see this picture, think I about what it means to be motivated. &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; &#160; Everyone always makes the assumption that to &#8220;be motivated&#8221; means that you are going to do something positive. &#8220;Get motivated to run&#8221; or &#8220;you need to get motivated to go to work&#8221; or to [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p align="left">Everytime I see this picture, think I about what it means to be motivated.</p>
<p align="center">&nbsp;</p>
<p align="center">&nbsp;</p>
<p align="center"><img src="http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f285/opsmonkey/motivation.jpg" /></p>
<p align="center">&nbsp;</p>
<p align="center">&nbsp;</p>
<p align="left">&nbsp;</p>
<p align="left">&nbsp;</p>
<p align="left">&nbsp;</p>
<p align="left">Everyone always makes the assumption that to &#8220;be motivated&#8221; means that you are going to do something positive.  &#8220;Get motivated to run&#8221; or &#8220;you need to get motivated to go to work&#8221; or to do well in school or whatever.  Well, I&#8217;d like to posit that motivation can be both a positive and a negative.  That people can be motivated by both positive and negative results and that negative results are more motivating than positive results.  Actually, I think that motivation has nothing to do with the end result, but rather with the desire to do, or not do, something.</p>
<p align="left">&nbsp;</p>
<p align="left">&nbsp;</p>
<p align="left">Take the little dog in the picture above.  Being like the little dog in the picture takes some chutzpah.  After all, being that much smaller than the other dog has to be intimidating, yet regardless of that, he still manages to tell the much bigger dog to bugger off. Perhaps the little dog is motivated by an innate desire to not be afraid of the larger dog, no matter the consequences.  Perhaps the chihuahua is a masochist, and knows that insulting the much larger dog will likely bring it the pain that it so craves.  Maybe there&#8217;s something else completely different at work.</p>
<p align="left">&nbsp;</p>
<p align="left">Take for instance the person that is trying to lose weight, yet can&#8217;t manage to stick to an exercise plan or diet routine.  Maybe the routine is not a good fit for them, but maybe they&#8217;re just more motivated to stay fat than they are motivated to lose weight.   Maybe they feel more comfortable being fat.  Maybe they&#8217;d prefer to be fat but can&#8217;t bring themselves to say it for fear of what society may think of them.  Maybe there&#8217;s some other reason altogether, one that perhaps they are not even aware of.  This unknown reason, is probably one of the guiding principles of their life.</p>
<p align="left">&nbsp;</p>
<p align="left">&nbsp;</p>
<p align="left">Sometimes, avoiding pain is more powerful and motivating than the end result that the pain is keeping you from.   Why not just be happy being fat?  Why put yourself through the struggles of trying to lose weight, then the disappointment when you stray from the plan and go back to your old habits?  Why beat yourself over it?  Well, you&#8217;re more motivated to beat yourself up about failing to lose weight than you are to actually losing the weight.</p>
<p align="left">&nbsp;</p>
<p align="left">I have an adversary, who should not be an adversary at all, but I digress.  Anyway, this adversary of mine goes to great lengths to point out how much of a better human being than everyone else she is.  In particular, she likes to point out how much better than I, she is.   At times, it&#8217;s actually quite amusing to see the lengths that she will go to.   I&#8217;ve started referring to her as &#8220;The Palestinian&#8221; because she likes to martyr herself.  I don&#8217;t know what this behavior gets for her, but whatever it is, she likes it.  Maybe she feels guilt for something that she&#8217;s done, so she needs to point out how great of a person she is to negate or wipe out the bad deeds that she&#8217;s done.  Maybe she just wants the attention, who knows.</p>
<p align="left">Anyway, the impetus for this post was a conversation that Michelle and I were having on the drive home yesterday.  I think I&#8217;m going to write some more out about this because I like the exercise.</p>
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