Random thoughts at random times » Email

Math For The Workplace

Opsmonkey — Mon, 25 Apr 2011 00:13:48 +0000

This came to me in an email. I don’t know who the original creator of this is. I figured I’d share it with y’all since it’s pretty effin funny.

This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. experience.
It has an indisputable mathematical logic. It also made me Laugh Out Loud.
This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint…it goes like this:

What Makes 100%?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We
have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.

How about achieving 103%?

What makes up 100% in life?

Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But ,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it’s the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.

Now I know why some people are where they are!

Of rentals and tennants

Rafael — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 19:48:27 +0000

My girlfriend’s gramma owns some rental property over on the east side of town. Every so often, they’ll come up for lease and I’m asked to list them on craigslist. I do so because I’m a bit of a CL expert and I’m always up for winning brownie points. I usually also manage the replies and appointment setups etc. Anyway, sometimes, we get really good responses, other times, we get some that leave us scratching our heads. Take this opening inquiry:

“Hello
Compliment of the seasoning. May i know if your property is still available?”

Now, my grammar police radar thing is just going nuts, but I figure that maybe it’s an immigrant or someone that doesn’t quite have a good command of English or something like that. I reply telling them that the property is indeed still available. A few hours go by, and I get this reply:

“I am nice and fun -to -be- with young Woman. I am interested in renting your apartment in your city. I will like to know the followings: How many month is your Rent? Do you have some pictures of the room? What is the Cost of the Rentage? What are the utilities that comes along with the rent? What is the Method of Payment for the Rent? am sorry if i asked questions that has already been highlighted in your ADS this is due to the fact that i responded to more than one ads at the moment so my email is generic to everyone, but pls do get back to me with the details . I will like to assure that you have nothing to worry about as regards paying rent, everything will be taken care of in due to time as we progress in our negotiations Please my arrival time is around the corner and I will be glad if you can getback to me with the requested information. pls dont forget to let me know the move in date I will be looking forward to hearing from you real soon.
Thanks and God bless,”

Now, I’m thinking “SCAM ALERT”. I’m not going to reply to this person anymore, but there’s a side of me that wants to have some fun with this possible scammer. I was thinking of replying that they could pay with some “services”, or that they should expect me to show up at 3 am asking “where my money at?” or that I’ll just send Pearl over… and she’s just mean.

What do y’all think I should do?

I totally want to do this

Rafael — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 15:27:08 +0000

I got an email linking to this site, and I really want to join these nutjobs.

These nuts, took a jacuzzi up to the summit of Mont Blanc in the Swiss alps and hopped in it at the summit. Dunno about you, but I totally want to go.